It’s not every day that a bunch of announcements will be made that will shake up Pittsburgh for a long time. But on the first of April of this year the following stories will break and who knows where we go from there.

  • Primanti’s restaurant has decided to do away with putting french fries on their sandwiches and going for mashed potatoes instead. If you don’t need a meal that’s portable the chain is considering offering a version that will be covered with gravy.
  • The Duquesne Incline is considering moving from its current location on Carson Street to Grandview Ave to The Strip District to the Hill District.
  • A proposal is making the rounds to eliminate all bridges by filling all ravines with concrete so there will be no chance of a structure collapsing. In the case of bridges over rivers, construction will begin immediately on tunnels going under the rivers.
  • The Dates of the Three Rivers Arts Festival will move from June to January to make sure that the summer rains won’t ruin everyone’s fun.
  • The state legislature has ruled that all members of Pittsburgh’s city council have to go through a basic math class so that they may understand that 3 percent is not the same as 22 percent.
  • Nascar will be hosting a new race in which racers must drive through the Fort Pitt Tunnels with no idea as to which exit they need to take until they are through the tunnel.
  • The Giant Rubber Duck is coming back to Pittsburgh.

 

For all the above- April fools!